Argumentative
Essay 2- First Draft
08.05.2014
Melike Büşra Sağır
Should both parents take equal responsibility in raising a child?
To have a child is the dream of every person in
the world. Seeing that parents have many responsibilities about development of
a child both psychologically and psychically, it is not as easy to raise a
child as it seems. Both parents pay individually their role substantially in
every step of their child’s life. Despite the fact that most people say that it
is a tough task, both parents should assume equal responsibilities in raising a
child owing to the fact that a child growing up with both parents and a child
growing up in a single parent house have considerable differences in the worst
sense and there is an inequity that men usually leave this burden to their
wife’s shoulders.
First of all, that both parents give their
children their affection in a balanced, constant and consistent way is as
important as at least nutrients required for children. Some research reveals
that children are happy and trust in the presence of both mother and father and
are equally impressed by the absence of both of them. Therefore, both parents
have different impacts on their children, and hence one of them can never take
the other's place. While children growing up in their mother’s house they may behave
in an aggressive and ill-tempered way, have a decrease in school performance,
and have compatibility problems with antisocial behaviors on account of the
absence of their father, children growing up with both parents are more
compatible with their life. Thus, they need a commitment and trust relationship
with their father, and his attention and affection as well as their mother.
Parents have a direct impact on children's
social and emotional development and have effects as independent of each other.
Children growing up in their father’s house deprive of a sense of tenderness of
their mother. This can be resulted in raising a weak, an unhealthy and unbalanced
child. Doğan Cüceloğlu said that the mother was substantially responsible for
child's growth and nurture because mostly mothers went to seminars he gave
about family communication whereas fathers fabricated an excuse not to go. Besides,
experts say that children growing up with the mother's interest have much more
desire to be loved and to be accepted in the community while children growing
up away from their mother have feelings of apathy, introversion and selfishness
against the environment. Therefore, it is inevitable that children will have
lack of spiritual development if they are raised separately from mother.
Men usually leave the burden of raising their
child to their wife’s shoulders. Women are terribly tired and frayed due to the
fact that they commute continuously between their child and their work.
Furthermore, the mother sit in a chair for hours on end and breastfeed their
child when the child wakes up and gets hungry whereas the father continues to
sleep as if nothing happened. They should look after their child equally in
works such as feeding, clothing and putting the child to sleep. Spouses hereby will
be a great support for each other in raising their child and they will not have
frayed psychologically and physically.
To sum up, nobody gives the child the same
amount and quality of warmth and care as a parent can give. When the child
deprives of attention and affection of just one of his or her parents, the
child will grow up with insecurity and with weak personality. By only having one
parent dealing with the child always leads to unsuccessful upbringing of the
child because of lack of time. In addition to this, it may arise some problems
in family because of unequal distribution of work when the father lays his wife
much more burden on bringing up of the child. As a result, both parents should
be able to spend time with the child on a regular basis and they should assume
equal responsibilities in raising their child, which will provide them more
peaceful and happy coexistence.
1-) To have a child(gerund-infinive) is the dream of every person in the world. (paragraph 1, line 1)
YanıtlaSil2-) Despite the fact that most people say that it is a tough task, both parents should assume equal responsibilities in raising a child owing to the fact that a child growing up with both parents and a child growing up in a single parent house have considerable differences in the worst sense and there is an inequity that men usually leave this burden to their wife’s shoulders. (Your thesis is quite hard to follow, and I really do not see any argument in it)
2) You may not think that it is a matter of argument; however, there are some parents who do not take equal responsibilities, and they think that the responsibilities of a mother and father can not be equal. I've written this essay to destroy these thoughts.
SilThank you.
1) Should both parents take equal responsibility in raising a child? ( you must correct writing style of title)
YanıtlaSil2) Despite the fact that most people say that it is a tough task, both parents should assume equal responsibilities in raising a child owing to the fact that a child growing up with both parents and a child growing up in a single parent house have (subject verb agreement) considerable differences ...
3)Therefore, both parents have different impacts on their children, and hence (punctuation) one of them can never take the other's place.
2) "a child growing up with both parents and a child growing up in a single parent house" have considerable differences. ( We have two subjects in this sentence. )
YanıtlaSil3) Do you mean to be a comma after "and hence" ? I often see it in this way.
1) okey then.
Sil2) I know that we generally use comma after hence therefore... that is why I said. If there is a usage without comma, I do not know it
thank you
Thank you very much :)
Sil