24.03.2014
Melike Büşra SAĞIR
Housewives
and Working Women
Today, the number of working women is increasing with each
passing day a little more. To keep balance work life and home life for women is
more difficult than men because the world of women is more overcrowded than the
world of men. The reason for this is that daily works to be done at home should
be necessarily in a certain order. However,
this varies depending housewives or working women because both women have
different responsibilities. Housewives and working women differ in terms of the
time they spend eating at home, the financial opportunities they have and the
time they spare to chores such as cleaning the house and cooking cakes and
cookies.
First, one of the differences between housewives and working
women is the time they spend eating at home. Working women usually fudge the
breakfast, but they necessarily want to drink tea or coffee; they are unable to
avoid looking at olive oil or salads for lunch; they take pot luck in the
evening. In contrast, housewives brew the tea and they have a breakfast which includes
cheese, tomato, jam or what they want accompanied by television. There is no
choice for lunch, it is enough what they have at hand. But in the evening, preferably
they like to prepare the table with three types of meals.
Second, housewives and working women differ in terms of
financial assurance they have. Unlike housewives, working women have much
freedom of shopping. Although they do not need anything, they run to the stores
and do shopping. If they set their heart on buying something, they turn around
and finally put it into the bag. On the other hand, housewives get new clothes
for themselves only if they necessarily need.
Housewives say ‘’ later ’’ even they really want something.
Additionally, whereas working women have the power to having their hair blow
dried at least once a week, housewives are their own hairdresser for
themselves.
Third, housewives and working women are different from each
other in terms of the time they spare to do housework. There is a section, which
is the work life, required to allocate in the lives of working women. For this
work life, they have to get up every day at the same hour and attain
respectability in society. Therefore, it is clear that they cannot spend enough
time for home. They take a servant for cleaning, so they have washing washed
and have clothes ironed. Besides, they can make only one kind cake and cookie.
By comparison, housewives may determine as wake up time when they wish. They
themselves do chores easily on a daily basis because they are in the house at
least five days of the week. Furthermore, they can cook all kinds of pastry.
Briefly, housewives and working women's lives differ from
each other diet patterns and times they follow, financial freedom they have and
the time they spare to chores. Both sides
of these differences are the positive and negative sides. However, one of the
most important problems of working women is the requirement to spare less time
for family atmosphere. If especially they have a child who is waiting for them
with a great yearning at home, this is more difficult position. Finally, you
may be a working woman or a housewife; nevertheless, the most important thing to
remember is that you should not live obscure the concept of family.
OUTLINE
Thesis Statement: Housewives and working women differ in
terms of the time they spend eating at home, the financial opportunities they
have and the time they take to chores such as cleaning the house and cooking
cakes and cookies.
I. The time they spend eating at home
A.
Working women usually ward off the meals especially
for breakfast.
B.
Housewives can eat the meals easily during the
day.
II.
The financial opportunities
A.
Working women have much freedom of shopping.
B.
Housewives say ‘’ later ’’ even they really want
something.
III.
The time they take to do housework
A.
Working women can make at least one kind cake
and cookie.
B.
Housewives can cook all kinds of pastry.
1)If you want to make reduction saying ' who waiting', it isn't reduction. You can write ' who is waiting or only waiting'.
YanıtlaSil2) You wrote that ' you may a working woman '. Where is the verb in this sentence?
These simple mistakes generally become because of lack of attention. Thanks :)
Sil1-) To keep (art)balance(prep) (art)work life and(art) home life for women is more difficult (paragraph 1, line 2) -> To keep a balance between the work and the home life
YanıtlaSil2-) the financial opportunities they have and the time they spare to chores such as cleaning the house and cooking cakes and cookies. ( paragraph 1, line 7) - > you may write a comma before "and" conjunction (it is optional, but it will be better)
3-) In contrast, housewives brew the tea -> You should not write and article before "tea" (paragraph 2, line 4)
4-) working women have the power (wrong word,"possibility" seems better) to having (gerund-infinitive) their hair blow dried at least once a week, housewives are their own hairdresser for themselves ( "own" and "themselves have the same meaning even if they are different parts of speech, so you may delete one of them) (paragraph 3, line 7-8)
5-) There is a section, which is the work life, required ( the "a" article is used for non-specific nouns, so it is not okay to use a non-identifying clause after the "a" article. (paragraph 4, line 2)
6-) so they have washing washed (paragraph 4, line 5-6) -> I could not figure out what "have washing washed" means.
7-) Besides, they can make only one kind(preposition is missing) cake and cookie (paragraph 4, line 6)
8-) By comparison, housewives may determine as wake up time when they wish. ( paragraph 4, line 7) -> "As" and "wake up" are used incorrectly.I would write "housewives may determine when to wake up"
9-) Briefly, housewives and working women's lives differ from each other diet patterns and times they follow (paragraph 5, line 1) -> I think you forgot to use "in terms of" after "differ from each other"
Thanks Salih, but I don't agree with some of your comments. I used 'causative' in some sentences. I think you also couldn't distinguish them.
SilI could distinguish your incorrectly used causatives. "to having their hair blow dried"paragraph 3, line 7) -> "to have their hair blow dried" , and "have washing washed" (paragraph 4, line 5-6) -> "have the dirty laundry washed"
SilYour first determination is okey and I agree with you at that point.But ''have washing washed'' is a correct usage. Washing means ''laundry, clothes''. Needless to say it is dirty, we already don't wash the clean clothes. So I did not need to specify it.
Sil